Why Can't My Child Just Put the Screen Down?
Whether you're setting up your child's first phone or trying to fix years of bad habits — I help with both.
Most experts focus on prevention or intervention. I handle both — because most families need both. From that first device setup to the daily battles exhausting your family.
Sound Familiar?
Is This Your Family?
Every family's screen time situation is different. Which sounds most like yours?
Do You Help With Phone Addiction and iPad Addiction?
Yes — phone addiction and iPad addiction are core issues I help with. I recovered from phone addiction myself, so I understand the constant pull to check, scroll, and refresh. Whether it's a toddler who can't transition off an iPad or a teenager glued to their phone, the underlying psychology is the same. I help families break the cycle.
- Constantly checking notifications
- Can't put it down at dinner
- Sneaking it at night
- Meltdowns when taken away
- Can't transition off without tantrums
- Using it as a babysitter daily
- Refusing all other activities
- Demands it first thing in morning
How Do I Set Up My Child's First Phone Properly?
The first phone is your best opportunity to establish healthy habits before problems start. Most parents make setup mistakes that cause future battles — wrong privacy settings, no agreed boundaries, unlimited app store access. I show you exactly what to configure, what conversations to have, and which controls actually matter for your child's age.
The average child in the UK gets their first smartphone around age 11 — often before secondary school. But setup usually happens in 10 minutes with zero strategy. That's when problems start.
My "First Phone Framework" comes from 12 years setting up devices in schools. Prevention is always easier than intervention. I cover privacy settings, app store controls, screen time limits, location sharing, and content filters — but more importantly, I help you have the conversations that matter more than any technical setup.
Why Do Screen Time Limits Always Lead to Arguments?
Screen time triggers dopamine responses, and being pulled away mid-engagement creates genuine neurological discomfort. Your child isn't being defiant — they're experiencing a mild form of withdrawal. Understanding this changes everything about how you set limits and communicate them.
Screens are designed to be engaging — it's not a willpower issue. The "just five more minutes" cycle isn't manipulation; it's their brain fighting for its dopamine fix. That's why timers alone don't work.
My approach focuses on transition strategies, not just time limits. I help you find specific language and routines that reduce conflict. Real example: families often see meltdowns reduced dramatically within 48 hours using specific language scripts I provide.
"I did a complete seven-day digital detox to understand what total removal actually feels like. It caused massive changes I wasn't prepared for. Your child is experiencing something similar every time the screen goes off."
— Daniel Towle
What Screen Time Rules Actually Work?
Rules that work are specific, consistent, and understood by your child — not just imposed. Generic advice like "two hours maximum" fails because it ignores what they're doing on screens. Effective rules address your household's specific patterns and give children ownership of boundaries.
Why does "two hours a day" fail? Because one hour of Minecraft is completely different from one hour of coding. Rules must be household-specific.
The difference between screen time that builds skills versus mindless consumption matters. My "Balance Point" concept recognises that every family's ideal is different. And here's the key: rules children help create are rules children follow.
"Earned screen time is one of the worst ideas ever. It turns screens into a reward, which makes them even more desirable. I'll show you what actually works."
— Daniel Towle
Should I Use Parental Control Apps?
Parental controls help, but they're not the complete solution most parents hope for. If one app truly worked, there wouldn't be hundreds of them. After 12 years configuring controls in schools, I focus on approaches that reduce constant tweaking and monitoring — because exhausted parents can't maintain complex systems.
Why controls alone fail: VPN usage surged 1,000% after the UK blocked certain sites — kids find workarounds fast. Apps like Bark and Qustodio tell you there's a problem — but they don't fix it.
The "false sense of security" problem is real. I help you understand which controls actually matter versus which are a waste of time, with age-specific recommendations (what works at 8 doesn't work at 14). My philosophy: controls support conversations, they don't replace them.
"When I was Head of Technology in schools, I realised the sheer amount of time it would take to keep blocking everything every single week — I'd never be able to do any actual teaching. That's when I developed approaches that don't require constant policing."
— Daniel Towle
How Can I Reduce Screen Time Without Constant Fights?
Reducing screen time without battles requires understanding what need the screen is meeting for your child. Boredom? Social connection? Escape from stress? Once you identify the underlying driver, you can address it directly. I provide specific language scripts and transition strategies that dramatically reduce daily conflict.
The "screen as babysitter" guilt — I get it. And sometimes it's okay. No, you're not a bad parent for using screens to get through a long car journey or a work call. What matters is the overall pattern, not every individual moment.
I help you find replacement activities that actually compete with screens, transition warnings that work (not just "five more minutes"), and strategies that account for the role your own screen habits play.
When Should I Be Worried About Screen Time?
Warning signs include: disproportionate meltdowns when screens end, sneaking devices at night, lost interest in previous hobbies, declining schoolwork, sleep problems, and social withdrawal. If screens have become the only thing motivating your child, that's a signal to act. Early intervention prevents bigger problems.
The difference between "likes screens" and "dependent on screens" matters. A specific warning signs checklist can help you assess where your child sits on that spectrum.
Early intervention is always easier. The families who come to me after years of escalating problems face a harder path than those who act at the first signs. If you're reading this page, you're already ahead.
Is it more than screen time? If your child's specific issue is gaming addiction or social media obsession, I have dedicated approaches for those:
I've Seen Both Sides of This Problem
I'm not a theorist who read about screen time in books. I recovered from gaming addiction myself — and I've spent 12 years helping families in schools.
I've been where your child is. I was addicted to gaming — 5-6 hours a day at my worst. I know the pull, the "just one more game," the way time disappears. I've done the cold turkey approach (it failed). I've done the gradual method (it worked). I know what actually helps because I've lived both sides.
For 12 years, I was Head of Technology in UK schools. I watched screen time evolve from a concern to a crisis. I saw the transition from "kids spend too much time on computers" to "kids are genuinely addicted to their phones." I helped hundreds of parents and thousands of students navigate this shift.
I've configured more parental controls than I can count. I know exactly which settings matter, which apps are worth the money, and which are security theatre. More importantly, I've seen what happens when families rely only on controls without the conversations.
I did a complete 7-day digital detox myself. Not for a gimmick — to truly understand what withdrawal feels like. It was harder than I expected. That experience shapes how I help parents understand what their child is going through when the screen gets taken away.
"Kids' tech use is driving parents to screentime coaches, detox camps"
— The Washington Post, November 2025What Children Told Me (That They Won't Tell You)
Over 12 years as Head of Technology, I surveyed children about their digital lives. These findings explain why screen time battles feel impossible — and why your child won't open up about what's really happening.
of 10-11 year olds wouldn't tell their parents if something worried them online — because they're scared they'll be in trouble.
This is why monitoring alone fails. Your child may be dealing with things you'll never know about — unless you build the kind of relationship where they feel safe telling you.
of 10-11 year olds feel they know more about technology than their parents.
When children believe they're the experts, they dismiss your screen time rules as uninformed. "You don't understand" isn't just attitude — it's what they genuinely believe.
of 10-11 year olds hear "kids are better at tech than us" from their parents.
We've undermined our own authority for years. Then we try to set screen time limits and wonder why they won't listen.
Screen time battles aren't about screens. They're about a broken dynamic where children hide their digital lives, believe they know better, and have been told they're right.
The families who win these battles don't win through stricter rules — they win by rebuilding trust and reclaiming authority. That's what I help you do.
These insights come from 12 years working directly with families — not research papers. Book a session to understand what's really happening with your child's screen time.
Common Questions About Screen Time
Honest answers to what parents ask most
How much screen time is too much for my child?
There's no magic number that works for every child. One hour of educational content is completely different from one hour of mindless scrolling. The real question isn't how many hours — it's what they're doing with that time and how it's affecting sleep, mood, and other activities. I assess your specific situation.
Should I ban screens completely?
Complete bans rarely work and can backfire — creating resentment, sneaky behaviour, and making screens even more desirable. VPN usage among teens is up 1,000% as they find workarounds. The goal isn't elimination, it's healthy integration. I help you find your family's sustainable balance point.
Am I a bad parent for using screens as a babysitter?
No. There are times where using screens is more than okay — particularly when travelling. Long car journeys, working from home, difficult days happen. The guilt parents feel often comes from unrealistic expectations. What matters is the overall pattern, not every individual moment.
Do parental controls actually work?
They have their place, but they're not the complete solution most parents hope for. If one app truly worked, there would only be one. After 12 years in schools, I've developed approaches that reduce the constant tweaking and monitoring. Controls support conversations, not replace them.
My child needs screens for school — how can I limit recreational use?
This is the real dilemma modern parents face. Homework requires laptops, research needs internet access. The challenge is distinguishing necessary productive use from recreational use that's become problematic. I help you create specific boundaries that don't interfere with learning while protecting against mindless scrolling.
How quickly will I see results?
Most families notice significant improvements within 2-3 weeks. Some see changes within 48 hours when implementing specific transition strategies and language scripts. The key is consistency — which is much easier with expert guidance and a plan designed for your specific household.
Find Your Family's Screen Time Balance
Get a personalised screen time strategy that actually works — no total bans, no constant monitoring, just practical boundaries that protect your child while keeping the peace.
Video consultations available worldwide. You'll leave with a personalised action plan using the same strategies I use daily.